April's Life Adventures
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The ever Sultry man in my life has chosen to go by the name of Sultry Husband within the walls of my blog. Occasionally he will post his thoughts and experiences here as well. A writer by trade as well as passion, he keeps our home a happy and inviting place.
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005Driving
Sometimes my Husband gets some of the most interesting ideas. For example, I needed the car this afternoon, so I opted to take him back to work after his lunch hour. We left a few minutes early, so he decided to pull into an empty parking lot. At which time, he asked my daughter if she would like to drive the car. Please remember she is four years old!
The lot was large and empty except for a few cars around the edge, so I didn't see the harm. My daughter looked quite confused about this new activity. Her interest piqued, she climbed into the driver seat with her Daddy. She had a great time turning the wheel and making the car go where she wanted. The car was full of laughter as she asked all sorts of questions. She pretended to be a race car driver making all of the "vroom" noises that she thought were necessary. Her little sister in the back seat was quite concerned about why her sister was driving. She keep peeping up with questions like "Where sis? Why sis drive?"
The most memorable moment in the car was when she hadn't gotten the hang of the steering wheel yet and thus we just turned in circles. After this experience, our new driving expert asked if she could drive Daddy to work. I am glad that my hubby chose to do the right thing and say no. A little bit of family fun in an empty parking lot sparks the question, what kind of monster has he created?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005Nap Time
I was once told by my mother that I took a nap every day till I was in the first grade. I remembered being in my room, playing with my toys as quietly as possible, hoping that she wouldn't come in and catch me not sleeping. I asked her, as an adult, if she had noticed that I had ceased to nap and would continue to play instead. She informed me that she most definitely knew, but as long as she had peace for an hour, she didn't mind that I was not slumbering away.
As my oldest daugher nears this age when naps are more for the parent than the child, I have noticed a trend. I thought that I was being sneaky as I would play with my toys, while my daughter is outright loud about the fact that she isn't asleep! How many times will she open her door and ask "Mommy, have I been in my room long enough?"
I enjoyed my alone time as a kid. I loved to play with my toys in my own little pretend world. My daughter seems to enjoy this passtime as well, but she doesn't seem to understand that when she is so blatent about her lack of sleep, that I must come in and put her back into bed. This fact is quite the cause of laughter between my husband and myself. We enjoy laughing about things the kids do each night before we go to sleep ourselves. I now understand what my mom was going through. Kids are inherantly funny, they just don't know it. This little phase of "have I been in my room for long enough" is yet another small example of kids not understanding the true purpose behind the ever powerful nap.
Sunday, August 28, 2005Nocturnal Visitor
When I was a little girl, I loved going camping with my family. I suppose that my all time favorite family vacation was when we all backpacked far into the mountains that surrounded our home. I don't remember how long we stayed in the wilderness, but I do remember that we were all alone. I mean, no camping host, no fee, no toilets, but so much to see that far away from civilization. My husband was raised in a similar household where he was instilled with the love of the outdoors as well. His family would converge upon a national park for two to three weeks every year. Camping was also part of our honeymoon... But that's another story altogether.
Because of our wonderful childhood memories, we have always wanted to instill that same love for the world within our children. I think that the first time we took our oldest daughter camping, she was under a year old. We took her again the following summer, but we had to leave camp in the middle of the night because she couldn't stop crying and we feared the wrath of our neighbors. Now, however she gets extremely excited whenever we start packing the supplies up from the basement. She knows that it is time to go out and play in the dirt.
I have always feared the anger of fellow campers. Interruptions in the sleep cycle will always make it difficult to be kind to your neighboring outdoorsmen. This fear has lead us to make a grievous mistake. About a month ago, we went camping again and my youngest daughter became cold and thus began to wail. In an attempt to warm her up and quiet her down, I invited her to join us in our sleeping bag (we zip two bags together and share.... quite fun actually). She immediately quieted down, but refused to go back to her own bed. Each time I would attempt it, she would scream even louder, so I gave up and attempted to sleep while being kicked in the ribs.
Our current camping nightmare is that the cute little one has decided that camping means sleeping with mommy and daddy. Ugh. I have never allowed my children to sleep with me at home, and thus it is not an issue here, but in the woods I never seem to get any sleep because I have a two year old breathing down my neck. I am in constant fear of rolling on top of her so my mind won't shut down enough to sleep deeply. Thus, camping is no longer the wonderful experience it once was. I find myself dreading the trek to the majestic mountains that I love.
Perhaps the time to cure the nighttime visitor is a backyard camping trip where the neighbors are behind walls and closed doors. Therefore, if she protests her own bed, I won't have to fear the wrath of sleepy patrons of the outdoors in the morning.
Friday, August 26, 2005Yucky Mommy!
I have a two year old daughter that is neater than I am! Seriously, she will come to me any time that she gets a tiny bit of dirt or food on her hands and ask me to wash them. She just holds them up in the air and says "yucky mommy", knowing that I will understand her request fully. Her face can be covered with filth, her nose running and she couldn't care less. However, put a little spaghetti sauce on her hands and we have a problem.
Last night, we had an interesting experience with her. My little one had a sick tummy. I have not been awakened in the middle of the night by her crying for quite some time. Last night, I couldn't help but chuckle at first when I heard her yelling "Mommy! Help! Tummy Yucky!" I went to her bedside and attempted to figure out what the problem was. She then proceeded to throw up. This in itself is not amusing, however she thought that she had to catch what was coming out of her mouth. Then, of course, she was more upset that her hands were messy than the fact that the mess came from her mouth! She was in hysterics until I could get her into the bathtub to clean her up.
At the time, it wasn't funny. Now, even though I am exhausted from the difficult night, I find myself chuckling when I think about the experience. Yes, it was disgusting, but my daughter was learning that yucky things can come from her body. She didn't understand what it was, but knew that it was "Yucky Mommy!" and she has told me so at least a dozen times today... she points at her mouth, then holds up her hands to tell me that she knows.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005Do Over
My husband and I went on a date tonight. We belong to a gym that has free babysitting so we tried it out. In the back of said gym is a pool table. Now, I grew up with a pool table, yet never seemed to find anyone to teach me the rules. As I was thinking about it tonight, I don't think that I ever even asked anyone to teach me how to play. My husband finds this fact hilarious as he never had a table, yet knows all of the rules and beats me every time.
This evening we decided that he would give me a few pointers on how to play the game. I am tired of him wiping the table with me, and I would like to win a game now and then that doesn't end with him hitting in the 8 ball by mistake. Thus my winning by default and not by actual merits of my own.
As he was showing me how to aim the cue stick and "put a little English on it", I would inadvertently mess up my shot in some way. My oh so thoughtful husband would offer to let me have a "do over", so I could try the same shot again. It seems like a good teaching tool, but did I actually learn much? By the end of our date, I was making better shots, but I found that I became frustrated when he would suggest I needed to try that one again.
I think it was a commercial for an insurance agency or something that first introduced the idea of a "do over". There are quite a few times in my life that I would have loved a second chance to make things come out right. But then we are faced with the inevitable question of would it have really made a difference? I think that I will just have to try and live my life in a way that I can be proud the first time around because the oh so wonderful idea of a "do over" doesn't actually exist. I am proud of who I am and what my life is like, but if given the chance... I definitely would go back and change a few things. Hey, I'm human right?
Tuesday, August 23, 2005Arrogant Worms
A few years ago, my husband and I were introduced to a musical comedy group called the Arrogant Worms. They are a musical trio based in Canada, but they have such a diverse and imaginative style about them that we were instant fans. We now own several of their CD's and our kids can spout the lyrics with the best of them. I think that we love them most of all because they are very loyal Canadians who enjoy poking fun at their southern neighbors, the good ole' USA.
One song in particular strikes my fancy of late. It is quite a funny piece, and after reading Karen's philosophical blog yesterday about the different spellings and pronunciations of Canadians, I thought it appropriate. Here are the lyrics:
I Am Not American
(starts with the tune of America the Beautiful, then changes later)
I am not American
Though I live in North America
Which is part of The Americas
Which should make me an American.
Are certainly Americans
As are Venezuelans
But, not Hawaiians!
They're out in the middle of the O-cean
Just like the US Virgin I-le-ands
Who really shouldn't say they are American
Or even Vir-gi-ans!
How could two whole contenants
Loose their name to one constituent?
Where were we when the US went
and took the word American away?
But to be fair to them,
Their other name op-ti-ons
Like US-ayers or United Satesians
Were pretty bad!
Still I want to be as American
As the French are European
or as those in Antartica are Antartican
Even if they're just Pen-guins!
That leaves us Canadians,
But Alaska's norther, curse them!
We're surrounded by Americans! Americans!
I just called those USA'ers Americans
A name thats for two continants, not just them!
For if I said I were American,
People'd probably think I came from Maine!
But I think I have a plan
Lets become Antartican
and join up with the penguins
For we're just like them!
We're Not American!
Seriously, you should all check these guys out, they are just that funny! They have a web site as well, at www.arrogant-worms.com I hope to figure out how to add the song for your listening pleasure later, but for now, you will just have to read the lyrics and I can hope that you chuckle a little...
I rarely remember my dreams. Usually, it has to be about something important before I will remember more than tiny details about them. My husband remembers his most of the time, perhaps it comes from being a writer and all that creative mumbo jumbo that I could never aspire to.
All this said, you will now know why last night was so strange to me. I remembered my dream and it was about my blog! Perhaps it was because I was trying to think of something interesting to post about just before I went to bed or something, but it was strange... maybe someone out there in the blogosphere can come up with some sort of anilization of it that would make sense, but for me, it was just plain wierd.
Here goes... In the dream, someone who knows me and reads my blog regularly told the world my full identity (not that it is all that hidden, but hey thats why dreams are so wierd right?) Anyway, people who had been reading my blog were all worked up because I was always so selfish in my blog. As they put it, I only ever wrote about me, me, and me... so, they hired a hit man to come and kill me... I survived after being thrown, bound and gagged, off of a waterfall. I then vowed to my readers to be less self centered in the future if they would call off the hit man.
At this point, my daughter decided to climb into my bed which woke me up, so the dream ended. Strange dream... perhaps I am just spending too much time thinking about blog ideas, or perhaps I just had a wierd dream. I am just surprised that I remembered it at all.
Alright, so I relented... Here is a picture of the dog that was at the end of my leash. You can always read about him in my former post titled Phnarph (which is his name thanks to my ever prolific and silly husband).
Monday, August 22, 2005My Picture
You thought I would give you a real look at me? I didn't even include the dog thats on the end of the leash!
Yesterday I was visited by a couple of women from my neighborhood. They called up in advance and asked if they could come see me. We had a pleasant conversation and I enjoyed their company, but I was confused about the reason for their visit. I don't really know these two ladies very well, but they are nice enough.
We chatted about life, kids, and anything else that happened to come up. They asked me how my family was doing and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. All in all, they stayed about a half an hour. I walked away from the visit feeling good yet still stumped as to their true reason for coming by.
About an hour later, one of the ladies called me. She said that she enjoyed our visit, yet there was a reason behind it that she didn't feel comfortable bringing up. She had heard about my recent miscarriage and wanted to make sure I was alright. I was surprised that she even knew because I really hadn't told many people that I was pregnant, and thus few knew about the loss.
I thanked her for her concern and explained the details about what happened. She had been wanting to bring it up the entire time she was at my house, but didn't know if I would be comfortable talking about it with the other lady. I was surprised to think that she had been wanting to comfort me, yet afraid to bring up a taboo subject, when in actuality I am quite comfortable talking about it now that the pain has passed a bit. If she had called me a week ago, I would have broken down in tears, but now I am on the road to recovery. She told me that she had been praying for me and would continue to do so. What a kind and generous woman! She barely knows me and yet she is praying for my happiness?!
So what am I trying to talk about today? I was so happy to know that someone who heard about my heartache cared enough to come and see me, yet confused as to why she was afraid to ask me about it while she was here. I have always been a forward person who speaks exactly what is on my mind, yet I suppose I just don't understand what would create a taboo subject in someone else's mind. Perhaps it is just one of those things that I will forever strive to understand without fully grasping. Ahh well, life goes on as always. I was glad to just have a visitor.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005Innocence
I know that kids are more perceptive than we ever give them credit for, but sometimes they seem to be completely oblivious. We have been having quite a tough time of it financially and emotionally lately, but my kids, thankfully, have no idea. Yesterday my husband and I were feeling a bit low, but we had some errands to run. As we entered one particular store, we were the only customers in the place. My 4 year old daughter decided that all of the helpers were her new best friends.
She entertained them all while we did our shopping. I could always hear what she was saying and they all found it quite amusing. You see, she has no reservations about telling complete strangers all about her life. She tells them about her Mommy, Daddy, Sister, and even the dogs. At first, the customer service people were just nodding and saying the typical "uh huh" of someone disinterested. However, as the time wore on, she won them over. After about ten minutes, all we could hear from the corner where my blonde bomb shell of a daughter had set up camp was loud laughter. She was entertaining them all and loving every minute.
As we finished our shopping and went to collect her from her new friends, we were met with comments from the adults like "do you have to go?" or "awe, she was just getting to the good part". She even had some of them singing silly kid's songs! All of them invited us to come back again because they loved my daughter. She will always be the life of the party. I can't help but remember the days of innocence when I was a child. I miss the time in which my biggest worry was what was for lunch. I am happy to be the mommy now, and I pray that my girls can remain innocent as long as possible. It makes for a much happier world.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005Unfair
We are told pretty much all of our lives that life is not fair. Sometimes we believe our elders when they would tell us this because it was usually during some time in our lives that we couldn't get our way. I usually ignored this statement of fact and chose to believe that in the great scheme of things, essentially life could be fair. Everything could work out for the best if you believed enough... Call me an eternal optimist if you like, but that is how I choose to believe.
As my last blog stated, I just lost a baby. I see this as completely unfair. We are good parents and we love our children fiercely. We would do anything for our little ones and essentially, we do. We love, nurture, teach, comfort, and everything else that a good parent is supposed to do. Our little girls are happy and healthy... Then, I look out there in the world and see so many people who don't even want a child ending up as parents. Why is it that I couldn't bring this wonderful child into my family, when I wanted it so badly. I can answer my own question. I have been taught from my youth that there is a great and noble plan out there with taylor made trials. Each one of us are here on this earth for a purpose. I may get frustrated at times and want to pound my head against a wall asking for different trials, but I have to keep reminding myself that there are many things that I would not want to go through in my life.
Essentially, I am attempting to crawl my way back from the pit of depression that I have fallen into. I am attempting to remind myself that life is not fair, but we can still find happiness in the many good and glorious things that do happen in my life. Yes, I can be sad for the loss that I have suffered, but I can also rejoice that I have two healthy and happy little girls to call my own. This blog, I suppose was more for me than for anyone out there who stumbles onto my virtually unknown little site here. Wish me luck, I still have a long climb ahead of me, but at least I can now see the sun again. There is always hope for the next pregnancy, and in the mean time, I am going to go play with my girls.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005Loss
The time has come to tell the blog world about my personal loss. I have avoided this as long as I could but must come out and just say it. This past weekend, I lost the pregnancy. That's right folks, I had a miscarriage. I could tell you all about my history, saying that this isn't my first loss or how it runs in my family... yada yada yada. When what I really want to do is go back through my blog and just delete any blog that had a reference to my ever being pregnant.
I know that I will be fine in time, that I will heal and we will be able to continue our family. I am attempting to stay positive, while knowing that I need to actually take some time and mourn the loss or the issue will return with a vengeance someday down the road. All of this I know in my heart, yet I have to keep reminding myself to just take it one step at a time. Life goes on and I have two little girls to play with.
So, in answer to the question posted by Jen the Mom, I lost a baby this weekend. I am glad that the rest of you had wonderful adventures. Yet another testiment to the fact that life goes on amist personal tragidy or great triumphs of conquering mountains. Life will always go on.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005Tears of ???
Yet another experience in pregnancy weirdness. Last night, my husband and I watched a movie. Yes, it was a little sad at the end, but I wasn't really connected with it because the movie was pretty slow and boring. When it ended, I realized how late it was.... I started thinking about how we both had to get up early the next morning and I started crying. I don't get it! So I am tired today, that's normal! Why was I freaking out?
My husband attempted to hold and comfort me, but when I get like this there is no possible way to stop the tears. He tried to make me laugh, he tried to sing songs, he tried just talking sweetly to me... none of which worked of course! I cried harder because I knew that I was being dumb and crying for no reason at all. I knew that I was being unreasonable and silly, so I started laughing, which made me cry again.
My daughter had spilled a cup of water in the middle of my bed... which made me cry. My husband offered to let the dogs in for the night, which made me cry. I started thinking about strange memories of my childhood, which made me cry. I literally thought I was going crazy because I couldn't stop making myself cry! This part of pregnancy is always the strangest and most unsettling for both myself and my poor patient husband. He has to put up with me sputtering and bawling at the drop of a hat and all the while he smiles and tells me that I am just as gorgeous while crying as I ever was... I really know that I look something like a drowned rat, but I appreciate his sweet lies anyway.
Monday, August 01, 2005Expectations
I always forget how hard it is to be pregnant. I am so tired all the time, no matter what time I go to bed. When I wake up in the morning, it feels like I didn't sleep at all the night before... grumble...
A friend of mine has posted her thoughts about how inadiquate she feels at times thinking about the "other girls" out there... when I read her blog, I have to admit that I felt surprised. I thought that I was the only one out there in the world that felt that way about myself and the things that I attempt to accomplish in my life. I feel a bit frustrated that I can't get things done that need to be done... long story that, but my house always seems to spontaniously dirty itself and I can't keep on top of it. I feel like I am always picking up toys, clothes, garbage etc... anyway I know that I am rambling a bit here, so I will get back to my point. None of us are perfect.
I remember a conversation that I had with my sister-in-law once. I was giving her a ride somewhere in my car and appologized for the dirty state it was in. She said "we both have kids... I completely understand." We then moved on to talk about other ways in which people can be silly with personal expectations. For example, when company is coming over, we all find ourselves in a cleaning frenzy that can start days before said company will even show up. One of the main things that we all seem to need to have done is the dishes. I mean come on, we all eat! What is wrong with having a few dishes in the sink if company comes over... are they going to think "Oh my gosh! They eat food! I am never coming back here again!"
One other thing that you will notice about me when I am pregnant, I ramble alot. I will jump from one topic to the next without much preamble and hope that somehow I can find a way to tie it all together. Here is my attempt, we are not perfect, we are far from perfect. I am not a wonderful housekeeper but my kids are always clean, fed, and happy. I do the best that I can and hope that it is good enough.