April's Life Adventures

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Conclusion

My attempt at the Weekly Anamnesis #9 hosted by Natalie

Conclusion

I was having a difficult time deciding between which university to attend. Many had given me scholarship offers, a few were better than the rest. One thing was for sure however, I did not want to attend the University of Utah. It was way too close to home, I didn’t like some of the instructors that I had known over the years, and I definitely did not enjoy the orchestra director which was the most important part of my decision. I informed them in a nice, well written letter that I was not interested in accepting the scholarship offer at this time. I had one friend in particular that also did not plan to attend their university, but decided to lead them on for a while and make them think that she was.

That was in the middle of my Senior year of High School. I had many things to still look forward to in this, my last and most grand year of school. One of the events that had captured my attention and provided me with much anticipation was the State Solo and Ensemble competition. I had competed in the School, District, and Region competitions already with Superior marks in each. I was at the top of my game. Not only was I playing a very difficult piece on the violin, I was also competing in my new found love of the viola. I was doing double duty. Two competitions in one day. I was excited and terrified at the same time.

The viola performance went without a hitch. I knew that I would get stellar marks yet again. It was now time to tromp my way up to the violin competition room. As I mentally went over my extremely difficult piece again in my head, I looked into the room to see who would be acting as my Judge. It was him. The very orchestra director from the University of Utah that I could not stand! I sent in my rejection letter a few weeks before, being very careful to not mention anything about my true reasons for turning them down.

It was time. I entered the room with a calm feeling in my heart. I was ready for this, the most difficult piece I had ever played in competiton. I knew that I would play a flawless performance, and I have to admit that I did. My fingers glided with ease over the strings, creating a wonderful mixture of sound and emotion. Many people came to talk to me afterward and mentioned that they had never seen me play with such passion. I felt that the superior rating was in the bag. The only thing left to do was wait until the Judge tallied his marks for everyone.

The stern woman walked steadily towards the board. She had my fate in her hands… My heart was racing, I was so excited that I was about to receive the marks that I so deserved. My superior was about to be handed down. My friend, who actually had to stop in the middle of her performance, but had not turned down the offer, was awarded a superior marking. As I made my way through the crowd towards the board, I had no doubt that if she could get a superior for a very flawed performance I would get one. I, the very person who felt the music flow through her veins. The very person who had worked so hard towards this day with one goal in mind, was given a fair. My heart sank as I ran towards the girls bathroom to cry in piece without the prying eyes of the entire orchestra. I was devastated.

When the time came to get back on to the bus for the return trip, I was pulled aside by my orchestra teacher and friend. He talked with me about how I felt about my performance and the marks that I was given. He knew even before I opened my mouth that I was upset. The puffy red eyes told the story so well. He assured me of how proud he was of my efforts, and how he would have awarded me the superior rating. There was nothing he could do to change it however unfair and unjustified it was. Our only conclusion was that the Judge was getting back at me for not accepting his scholarship offer. I should have led him on I suppose, but then I always thought that honesty was the best policy. I still think so, even if my only superior that day was on the Viola.

Posted by April_Mommy :: 9:56 AM :: 6 comments